The second coming

OK, so I've fallen off a little when it comes to the whole weight-loss thing. I mean, it's great to look at all the clothes I can't fit anymore. It's great to be able to go to the gym and not work as hard as I once did.

It's great to look at the new body and...

That's where the list abruptly ends.

My relationship with the gym needs new motivation. I've been going to the gym since January with a desire for an ultimate goal. Somewhere along the line, that goal was forgotten.

I've dwelled on the pounds I've already lost.

I started playing tennis in an unpredictable pattern.

I dipped out on the personal trainer when the money looked like it wasn't going to be there (damn unexpected bills).

So, this month, I'm rededicating myself to the gym. But it's going to be hard. I've gotten used to maintaining the weight I've been around for two months, and it's been cool. If I need to drop 3-5 pounds right quick, I shrug it off and churn through a good week. That whole "I wanna lose 15 pounds this month" thing has left my body.

But I gotta get it back.

Maybe like I did on the other blog. Maybe saying here that I'll lose 15 pounds this month or take a pic in just boxers will motivate me to not humiliate myself. I hope so. Yall still don't wanna see this... lol

How do you motivate yourself to do something that's no longer atop your priority list?

daddy issues...

I dropped Luis at the airport so he could make his flight to Detroit. He had planned three days of nonstop fun with his best friend, who is actually from my hometown.

None of that mattered to Diego.



The pup, a Pekinese, whined and moaned like an infant longing for the familiar touch of the one person who showered them with the most love and affection. For three days, though, that would have to be me.

He threw up on the way home from the airport.

He didn't eat a single bite of food -- which I left available for him all day.

He didn't touch his water.

The treat he got for going to the bathroom outside sat in the corner.

He moped like he'd lost part of himself.

I knew where he was coming from.

---

I felt honored when Luis asked me to look after Diego. To me, he was trusting me with his most valuable possession. It is also a good way for me to determine if I can handle this whole dog-owning thing on my own.

I spent the next day cleaning up my house in preparation for my guest.

He would sleep in the window, since that's what worked best for him the last time he stayed over. He would also get to run around a bit after using the bathroom. That way, I told myself, he would have already gone outside, and would have no reason to go on my floor.

This dog thing would be a piece of cake, I told myself. If I could watch Diego for three days, I could do anything.

Boy, was I wrong.

---

This morning, Diego was staring blankly out the window. It was raining, and he watched as a tree limb swayed back and forth in the wind.

I'd gotten up a little earlier to give him some attention. I grabbed him up and we went on a little stroll. He was excited to be outside with me.

We ran. He did his business. We ran some more.

When we got back in, he actually ate food and drank water. His treat, which sat for hours last night without so much as a second thought, was gone.

Maybe this dog thing could work out after all.

Still, it's clear he misses Luis. I sort of do, too. There are things about a dog I don't know. I don't know how to handle him acting unusually. Maybe there's a secret used to get him to come around.

Until the phone rings, I guess I'll never know.

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 3

I'm wondering: Can you enter a relationship with someone when you still have feelings for someone else?

I ask this because it's come up three times over the last week.

I say yes. If you say to yourself that you want to be with someone, NOTHING should hold you back from that. It's just like everything else you want in life. You make a choice, and you stick by it.

Unless you really don't want it.

Am I the only one addicted to blogs lately? There seems to be new life in some of these. I mean, I check out Fuzzy, Cocoa Rican and LadyNay often, but I've been reading like 20 blogs a day this week.

Have yall seen my homie's blog? She's been ... enjoying ... herself out in Cali. She's shy, so go get at her page. Show her some love.

Am I the only one loving the new season of HEROES? Obviously so, since the show had a record low number of viewers. And it was hot as hell! I can't wait for next week.

Clay Aiken's gay. No way! Stevie Wonder saw that coming.

Five things about Mary J. Blige's concert...

5. Mr. Seaver's son: I laughed when I noticed his shirt was made of rubber. I laughed when he started raising the roof. I laughed when he tried to dance.

But I was partying in the aisle when he did "Wanna Love You Girl." I was still there for "Cocaine."

He may be stiff, but those songs are on point. And he's got hella swagger to pull it all off, bad dancing and all!








4. Tick-ets! Get ya tick-ets: I sold my ticket to the concert at the last minute to make sure my friend, Rashad, and I could get seats near each other. He had decided at the last minute that going to the concert was something he wanted to do.

On the way to the ticket counter, a man motioned me to his car. I felt like a hooker.

"Hey man, I got good seats for 50 bucks each," said the man, slumped in the front seat of a sedan, looking like a black Jabba the Hutt.

The tickets looked legit enough, so we went for it. Hell, the cheapest seats were 70, and he was giving us $115 seats for the low low.

We were nervous til the scanner beeped to confirm we were clear to go.

3. Movin' on up: My boy Rashad and I sat in our seats, excited that we were six rows from the front. But Rashad wasn't satisfied yet. After the first artist, we ended up rolling to the fourth row in the middle. I kid you not that I could've reached out and smacked Robin Thicke.

But, slowly, the once empty row began to fill.

Two ladies walked up on us in the middle of Thicke's set, telling us we were in their seats. I was ready to retreat to my "still good" seats on the other side. Rashad just moved over. During "Lost Without You," we lost our second set of stolen seats.






2. Kendu, Kendu, Kendu: We spotted Kendu strolling the grounds before the show began.

Red polo. Jeans. Matted mini fro.

Seconds after I noticed him, he was stopped by security.

Apparently, they had no idea who the hell he was.

I have a problem with you not wearing your "I'm with her" shirt at your wife's concert.







1. I love it when she cries: You can't say that stuff is fake! She belted out several songs, but a praiseworthy rendition of "Take Me As I Am" brought tears to Mary's eyes. That's what singing is all about to me: Knowing your stuff, and feeling what you say.

How much more convincing could you be?

Ranting and raving...

I just want it to be ooooooooooo-veeeerrrrrrrrr (the election, that is).

Why is it that there's always a song to help you through a break-up, but when you need to pack a bag, you're on your own?

Maybe I should write one and send it to Lil' Jon.

I'd be geeked as hell to hear him do it ("Put the toothbrush in the tote bag, WHAAAAT?!")

When you don't make a goal, why is it so hard to see the success amid the overall failure?

(Guys) -- Have you ever been freaked out by your (piece) hitting the water in the bowl?

Does it quietly make you feel proud that the whole occurrence was able to happen?

Maybe it's just me... lol

How long does it take to adjust to a new schedule?

Yes, there's something wrong with sex on the first date if you want a relationship.

Especially when the sex was planned.

Am I the only one who freaks when a parent talks about your sex life?

Does it even matter when it's not your parent?

When do you say die?

The last two weeks have been mentally frustrating for me.

I've been involved with someone who still has feelings for an ex. The ex is just that, but it sounds like he's working his way back into the fold. It puts me on the losing end of the battle, as we all know history always wins out.

I've gone back and forth about what I should be doing. Should I stick it out until there's some resolve? Or should I gracefully bow out, as I know there's someone out there who would put me first, as I would for them.

I thought I was close to a decision, but then Cocoa Rican hit a nerve:

On Blast
Is it more important to you to win at all costs or to lose sometimes, while maintaining your dignity?

I've never been a "give up" type of person, but the situation I'm in gives me pause because sometimes I feel like I'm the only one making sacrifices. I know I'm not in the toughest situation in the triangle, which has been my reason for not ending it earlier. I'm the new guy, I keep telling myself, and you've fallen for me. But is that enough for sustainment?

Then I think about leaving it all alone.

Sure, sometimes we must lose in order to gain ground in the long run, but this time doesn't feel like one of those times. At least from the words I hear.

Right now, I'm at a place where if I don't look back, I'll always wonder about what could've been. But if I stick around, I would continue to feed on the idea of an "us," which might never come.

What's a guy to do?

It's Monday

And after a long weekend working on union stuff, I don't really feel like writing. But I asked a friend for advice this weekend, and he said something that should've been obvious, but made a lot of sense.

You want what you can't have more than what you can get.

Why?

Then and now...

"This morning I realized that we’ve never spent daddy’s birthday with him."

That was the welcome in my inbox this morning from Mike. And he was right.

Pity we can't do anything about it.

I remember September 12, 1991. Mike and I were at home, and my mom reminded us that we needed to call daddy. Wish him a happy birthday, she said. Mike would make the call. They talked a little afterward about school and whatever else, then he handed the phone to me.

I was almost hesitant.

My father and I didn't have a good relationship, to say the least. I still have pains in my right ear from a beating I took about 20 years ago at his hands. But three years back then was a long time, and I'd my feelings had changed from hate to resentment, so I was able to get through a 5-minute phone call.

I wished him a happy birthday, and he asked me about classes. He knew the gifted and talented school was doing a number on me, and I was struggling to maintain a 3.5 (at Bates Academy, that was a G+ average... lol) in my classes. Then he told me that he wanted us to hang with him sometime in the future. He and the misses were getting a house, and he wanted us to like it, too.

When the time came for that trip, Mike went alone. The residuals from our previous encounters still nagged at me.

Now, he's been gone almost 17 years, and all I have are what-ifs.

If he were still here, I believe the man I've become would've been enough for he and I to get past the issues. I'd probably have sent him something in the mail, given him a call to make sure he got it, and got off the phone. Were he here, I wouldn't have needed to catch up. He would be an active participant in my life.

And he'd be proud of the man my brother's become.

My father told me once that he was so hard on me because he knew that which I was capable. He had plans for me, and, while I doubt I've done it the way he expected, I think he'd be proud.

Happy 64th, daddy. May you have many more.

It's only appropriate (My Sept. 11 post)

I remember sitting in class thinking what my eyes were seeing just wasn't possible.

People on the Today show were talking about seeing a plane crash into one of the World Trade Center's Twin Towers. Dr. Workman continued with her lesson plan.

I faked a bathroom trip to head to the newspaper office, so the scene could play out with sound. I arrived in the room at 8:41.

"There was just... Oh my God, that plane looks like it's headed right for the. OH MY GOD! That plane just hit the second tower."

It's probably not verbatim, all these years later, but that's how I remember the woman on the phone talking.

I was the editor of my college paper. Surely we would be involved in covering this catastrophic event. I skipped the rest of my classes and called my staff together. It was the first time The Famuan published three days in one week.

Looking back on it, I needed that paper to save my sanity.

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 2

This morning, I found myself trying to relate myself to a friend of mine who's in a place I remember all to well. With good friends as young as 22 and 23, I find often that I've been where they are, and I try to let on that the good will come soon enough.

A friend of mine is 22, doesn't have a car and works enough to get by. He's also in college working on two degrees. Robbing Peter to pay Paul has become too common.

Another friend, 23, sees shrinking checks and opportunities. Had things stayed the way they were 6 months ago, he figures, everything would be alright.

I see 21-24 as the post-adolescent version of puberty. You'll hit a few bumps in the road during that time in your life, but things will turn out fine in the end.

But when will the end come?

That's not for you to decide.

By the time you get to 24, things will be looking up. Hell, they're still on the come up for me at 27. It's a gradual process, this life thing.

Maybe they didn't come for advice. Maybe they just needed a sounding board. I'm just the type of guy who always wants to help (without coming out of his own pocket, of course). What do you tell a friend who sounds down on their luck about something they have little or no control over?

"I DEE-SIDE-DED," an open letter to LiL B

Solange,

I waited these last few months for your album to drop because I loved everything I'd been hearing from you.

Then, you kicked off your promotional tour.

I'll be keeping my $9.99 stored on my credit card now.

I love the fact that you decided to try something a little different this time around. The sound is something that might need to make it to the mainstream. A blend of the old '60s sound and the spirit of the words coming together to incite... SOMETHING... from the apathetic. I was so excited.

You made it known you weren't trying to be the next Beyonce. You grew up with her, so it could've been easy for you to channel that one. But you were doing something else. Something new. It was classy, cool, spirited.

Then you screwed up.

Yeah, there may have been some things you didn't like about what was going on during your press junket, but man! Handle it after the cameras stop rolling. No one's gonna think of you as some punk for not handling it on air. Trust me.

Because of you, all your hard work to give the world a new sound will come up short. People were raving about the CD before it got to the shelves. You had a chance to get out there, show us some of that bubbly Knowles personality and get some dollars.

But your CD didn't even crack the top 10, and it's steady decline is imminent.

Now, B's gonna still have to give you an allowance.

Sucks to be you.

Sincerely,
A concerned fan.

You don't know what you've got til it's...

The liveliness of my old newsroom is the thing I miss the most. Can't really say I miss the job. The one I have now is everything I've yearned for these last few years. The freedom to do whatever I want – AND get paid? No-brainer there.

But it seems everybody I know who has gone through a job change recently isn't liking the new situation. One friend of mine said the $20K salary adjustment wasn't even enough to keep him going.

He started this morning at his old gig. For EXACTLY what he was making when he left. I hope that works for him.

I think it's just taking me time to adjust to my new situation. I mean, it took me four months to adjust to the other one. I've only been here two.

What I like:

The lady I sit across from.
My editor's eagerness for the stories I pitch
The ability to have everything at my fingertips

What (else) I miss:

The editors I sat across from
The daily gratification (which had been drying up anyway, given newshole issues)

Overall, I'm glad with the choice I made, and I wouldn't change it for anything. What lengths have you gone before to make a new situation work? Would you go back to your previous employer, with the promises for only what you had when you left, instead of sticking it out?

Waiting My Turn

What if I was on the Dow Jones
MAW flashing across the ticker
Would I be worthy of your portfolio
Or is that penny stock more up your clicker

What if I were that doggie in the window
Surely I deserve to be bought
But when the newness rubs off
Would I still be a priority in your thoughts

Don't let my "good guy" deceive
My bad guy still has his moments
I'm not the type to always please
But still capable of having some sense

Lonely sometimes feels just right
But often the bed gets so cold
That a second party is a welcome act
And that spooning session feels like gold

Maybe I'm not ready
Maybe it's not my time
Maybe the right one for me
Hasn't found their place in line

Not like I'm asking for much
Only appreciation and fun times
Doesn't even have to be a dime
Just someone worth me spending my time

Case of the Ex: Vol 1

I try to maintain some sort of friendship with everyone I've dated, but lately, they've all been falling by the wayside. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? Maybe I'm just tired of how much they changed?

Maybe I finally took off the Shallow Hal glasses to see what they were really about?

Case no. 1:

We were friends nearly 10 years, and decided to try the whole dating thing in 2006. She broke up with me on New Year's Day 2007. We didn't speak for eight months. The last year was a bit topsy-turvy.

She called me up one day and the conversation was a bit disturbing: "I just feel like you put yourself in the middle of something that had nothing to do with you. That's why I'm mad."

What?

I noticed a difference of opinion between her and another of our friends, and I was doing my job as a friend to point it out. Neither was able to detect that the other wasn't on the same page. Needless to say, I soon pulled back from the situation when I saw no resolution would be found.

She felt I'd crossed the line. And wanted an apology.

Why?

"If someone came to me and said I'd hurt them, I'd swallow my pride and apologize, even if I felt I had done nothing wrong."

I'm glad you would. But that's not me.

We haven't talked in a few weeks. And I'm honestly not sad about it. Sure, she's been a great friend to me, but sometimes I feel like if I'm not on board with her logic, obviously there's something wrong with me.

And there's not.

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 1

Am I a bad black, or a bad American, for not watching Obama's speech?

Why don't I even care? (I'll get to it when I watch both conventions this weekend on DVR -- after the hurricane passes, of course)

Why do I care more that Brian's trying to singlehandedly disband DAY26 than I do about Palin's pregnant daughter.

BTW, can somebody tell Diddy he's no longer relevant?

Why are my people (journalists) consistently showing their biases lately?

Why is there a tropical storm to be named Karina? Really?

Why am I 27 and homesick? I've been gone for 9 years.

Who decided that telling someone how you feel was now passe'?

Why are Venus and Serena playing each other tonight?

Why is Serena gonna be pissed again when she loses?

Who's not proud that I've blogged THREE days straight?

Who doesn't think it's gonna last?

I can't feel my legs...

My thighs are painful to the touch. When I bend, I feel like I'm 75.

Guess I'm more out of shape that I figured.

I'm still trying to figure out why the trainer tried to kill me.

Tonight, I plan on hitting the wall for a little one-on-one tennis action. Maybe my little homie will be up to going with me. We'll see.

I told myself I was going to lose 10 pounds last month.

I lost nine.

This month, I'm going to follow a strict regimen and attempt -- gasp -- 15.

I say that like I've not lost that much in any of the months I've been on the whole weight loss kick. I did it in January, February and (almost) in May. But with Ribfest just 10 weeks away, I've got to step my game up.

(Side note: Who really plans weight loss around a rib festival?)

Hurt again

By the time it ended, I never wanted to see his face again.

All the pushing, prodding, extending and sweating was too much for a first encounter. I still see him: staring down at me, slightly laughing as I made my way through it.

I felt like a failure.

I figured I was doing a good thing by getting up early -- and on a holiday, no less -- to meet my potential trainer for our first session. We'll call him Adebisi, since that's who he looked like.

Adebisi was about 5-foot-8 with dark skin, a bald head and bugged out eyes. The shirt he had on stretched across muscles some people will never see. It was a change from the trainer I had in Florida, who gained nearly two dozen pounds as he was putting me through several weeks of rigorous hour long sessions. We exchanged pleasantries, then got down to work.

I need to eat more.

I know four times a day isn't enough, but it's sometimes all I have space to squeeze in. This week, I'll work on adding some fruit between meals or something to make sure I'm stuffing my face about five times.

I have good lower body strength.

That's what he thinks. The only reason it looked like that was because everything he said do, I did. I hate coming off like an underachiever. The fact that I'm not little like most of my friends makes me strain under pressure to make sure I'm not the one calling "Uncle" first. Maybe I really do. I mean, I play tennis and run regularly. I'll take that.

I need a real gym buddy. And FAST!

OK, so none of my friends locally are into the whole working out thing like I've been this year, so consistency has been a deterrent. And while I'd rather be there with someone I know, I'd rather be there with someone who will motivate me. Adebisi would have to. Problem is, he wants $1,400 to do it.

I told him to let me mull it over. I walked tall from the gym as I headed to the car. When I got out at home, my legs weren't working. I'd gotten home on adrenaline. I felt new hurts from the practice session (he told me the actual workouts were more than that), and I'm excited about the prospects of working with Adebisi to make it work. I'll just have to be able to walk, upright, into the gym.