This -ish sucks!

OK, so just like last year -- when I finally say to myself it's time to start -- I get sick.

I've been home the last two days battling some strange fatigue. This time, it's worse: Puppy's sick, too. She's been sneezing and hacking and having "accidents" all up in her cage. I'm afraid to let her out of the cage for too long because I definitely have light-colored carpet. Ain't no cleaning gonna get out the stuff she's been letting loose... lol

Anyway, I made a bet with myself that I was going to lose 13 pounds by Feb. 8, so I'm gonna be a little behind when I finally feel fit to leave the house like normal people, but I think I'm up to the challenge.

Hell, if people can lose 30 in a week on the Biggest Loser...

Gettin back on it

I do NOT have an addiction, but telling me to stop worrying about my weight is like telling Michael Jackson to leave the kids alone.

So what if I lost 60 pounds last year. I'm not done.

I planned on starting today by posting everything I ate -- from breakfast to dinner, through that late night snack. But then I got asked out. And I love aggression!

So I'll be thinking about how many calories are in the mexican food, then about how much time I'll be spending in the gym this evening afterward.

Morning: Grilled cheese (hell, I'd started off on a bad note anyway).
Snack: Reduced-fat Cheez-Its
Lunch: Lasagna, small salad, cup of yogurt
Snack: Granola bar
Dinner: FUBAR

Tonight, I'll be running up a storm. I'll update after. I promise.

Is there a such thing as being "too available?"

SO a friend of mine decided to chime in on my love life -- more specifically why I'm continuing on the crash-and-burn route.

The conversation started like any other. Five minutes in, the tone changed.

"I have a problem with your whole routine of letting people get at you and then you showing them you're feelin it."

It made sense.

I'm a champion on being aggressive yet I've not been the aggressor in my last three relationships. Is it that I'm afraid of getting hurt? It's obviously not that, as I've been hurt anyway. I just think I like the fact that I was chosen. Somewhere in the chain, my "new car smell" faded.

My mom told me last year that I need to stop chasing the rainbow and become the pot of gold. I think I might switch that aroud -- since that's what's gotten me into this predicament anyway.

It's time to show these chicks why I am who I am, and for them to succumb to the flavor of the month. For January, it's tall drink of caramel flavored water. At least, that's what it looks like...

What say you? When do you decide to look for what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you?

Blogging's hard...

Especially when your Internet reliance is your job, and then they tell you to stop doing so much "outside" stuff.

How's this for random:

What up folks? I'm back and ready to go in 2009. The blog will be updated regularly, round 2 of the weight loss is on (still down 60 from 2008), and there's gonna be more about Charlie (you know how a new parent is... lol).

I'm scratching the list from the end of 2008, since some of it was stuff I had decided to let go.

I let go of 10 friends in 2008. They were mostly people I'd either distanced myself from, or simply drifted away from.

I need Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Hudson to stop singing. Anything. Period.

I wish Whitney Houston could still sing.

Good thing there's still artists like Tamia and Shanice.

When did Usher stop singing? His last album was like spoken word in long form.

I miss my best friend.

That's cool, since I'll see her next month.

Until next time.

My five (Part 1)

For the end of the year, I'mma reflect on some of the lessons I've learned in '08.

People always wanna talk about going home, or not being able to go home. What's wrong with letting home come to you?

I found out at the end of this year that home can always come to you. It's not as simple as I make it sound...

My best friend came to visit for a week.

My best friend, Danielle, has intimidated me in many ways over the years. She, unlike me, never knew exactly what she wanted after college, but ended up doubling (and, at times, tripling) what I was bring home working my lifelong dream. She has had the flashy cars, the townhouse in the 'burbs, the money to spare.

But when it all came down to it, she was vulnerable -- just like me.

We had a conversation while she was here that made me realize we weren't drifting apart like I'd suspected. It was just that her problems and my problems were on different plateaus. I was worried about how I could afford a new SUV. She was worried how she'd be able to afford the new cost of her adjustable-rate mortgage.

She wasn't some brand new chick that spent money til there wasn't any more. She was just Danielle trying to survive a different hustle at the same time as me.

It took us a week to figure out that the differences we'd seen over the years still showed the same people we were when we became best friends more than a decade ago.

She called me Monday when I was coming home from work and we talked about the puppies and how terrible they were. It's the story of our lives these days.

"I'm kinda sad you're not coming home, boo," she said. I didn't expect it, but I knew where it was coming from. In a week's time, we learned all over again what made us who we were and why we bonded all those years ago.

And for that, I'll always be grateful.


Next: To play the game, or to just be yourself...
Then: Keeping in touch is good to do...
Plus: Why love won't count me out...
And: When all else fails...

Music to my ears

These flaws I've got
They're apart of who I am
Take me or not
But I finally understand
And I'm so done trying to be everything you want
I had to stop
'Cuz baby you ain't worth it
If I've got to camouflage

--Camouflage by Brandy

Yeah, I'm on a music kick.

I've been waiting more than two months for Brandy's album to drop. Something about the leaked song "First and Love" that stuck with me. It spoke to what I was feeling at the time.

It was, as KLC once said, "like she was hiding in my closet" for the last few months.

The CD, serious words wrapped around beats that sometimes don't match the message, was a welcome surprise when I first cracked it open Tuesday during my lunch break.

I fell. I fell hard.

I fell for the words, not just the beats.

I'm a beat guy, and all my friends will attest to that when they speak of my strange variation of tastes. Brandy's always been about that. She's not one to alienate audiences by giving them a hard beat with emotionless words. Even the club banger 'What About Us," talked of a relationship that'd run its course.

I feel a rant coming on in 5...4...3...2.........

Oh where, oh where, has the talent gone?

I went through the list of Grammy nominees and realized that music in 2008 was surely dead. Why does BeYAWNsay have a Grammy nod for a performance of "Me, Myself and I?" I mean, it was hot when she did the song in 2003!

I don't understand how "Year of the Gentleman" by Ne-Yo has been nominated for Album of the Year. There are people (Mary J., Lil' Wayne immediately come to mind) who have produced far greater quality and haven't made noise in that list.

I had a conversation with my boy Kyle recently where we were discussing why I don't listen to certain artists. I can't stand artists who make me feel like their experiences are beneath where I am in life. If all you have to talk about is money, cars, clothes and hoes, you gotta go. My CD player ain't the place for you.

I can't wait for the new Brandy to hit stores next week. I need quality in my life. Especially after a season where Johnnie Legendary put out some fast paced crap. And M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" didn't even mention paper planes. Let's not even talk about that last Usher album.

Am I alone? Probably not, since record sales are still off by a longshot from where they were three years ago.

What say you? What's missing from music? I mean, I've been able to get my run on with hot beats, but none of this stuff has been sustaining...