Horton hears a WTF?

Sometimes, I feel like personal cell phones should not be allowed at work.

Case in point:

"Hell, I keep forgetting to run by the pharmacy to get that ointment to clear this shyt up."

Or this:

"They want to put what in your where? I mean, the most I've ever had was two fingers, and that was too much."

Maybe it's just where I work. I remember one time listening to this guy curse his wife out because she forgot to pay the cable bill. She was a stay-at-home mom.

Sometimes, you feel like a nut...

She sat on the other side of the couch, pondering the words she would speak. The silence was awkward.

I tried my best to just watch tv.

"So November 17th? I can't even think about getting none til November freakin 17th?"

This is going to be a theme in my life, I see.

I feel like Luther Vandross, the women throwing panties at me while I'm on stage. Unlike Luffa, I'd normally respond.

This time, sadly, I cannot.

I've taken to running more, since I have to vent my frustrations somehow. Did I mention my tennis partner deserted me, too? In a way, it was mutual, but I miss those carefree calorie-burning events. Besides, he was an 'effin liar. More on that later.

Why is it that when you want to stay away from something, it's put in front of you more often? I was dating earlier this year when I started the whole weight-loss thing. I remember showing her a text exchange between me and my boy Kyle. He said he wanted an ENTIRE pizza. All I wanted at the time was a peanut butter cup.

Why'd a pack of Reese's show up in my fridge that night? Shenanigans!

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 4

I want a relationship that actually feels like a relationship.

I get hit up all the time by people who claim they can add everything to my life that I'm missing. had a girl tell me last month that she could be the freak she knew I needed. I laughed. Hard.

But while I dated someone the last six or so months, I always felt like something was missing.

It was. Me.

I'd spent so much time making sure things were going well that I never stopped to ask myself what I wanted. I think the fact that I'd been led to believe there was a future for us was enough for me.

No longer. I ended it last week.

I've got a good paying job, an apartment I'm content with until the house comes along and an SUV that, thanks to the Gas Gods, isn't putting me into debt. But I still feel like that one thing continues to elude me.

What say you? When the lights go down and it's just you in the house, what do you yearn for?

Have you never...?

I was afraid I wouldn't make it through yesterday. It was almost like I was avoiding... him... like the plague. In the shower, I always take time on my... parts... to make sure they get the attention they need.

But yesterday, I felt like it was going to lead to more.

It's weird, but in all I say and do to change my body, I like the way I look. Yep, I think I'm sexy. There's something about me that sometimes I can't get enough of.

So resisting the urge is a helluva challenge.

The purpose of what I'm doing is to raise awareness (to myself) to the fact that, yes, there can be too much of a good thing.

My thing just happens to be self-pleasurevation...

The sacrifice to beat all sacrifices...

I'm giving up all forms of sex until Nov. 17.

There, I said it.

Every so often, I do something to challenge myself. Usually, it's something I've become dependent upon that I need to lay off. Last year, it was chocolate.

This is going to be the hardest thing I think I've done in the last year. Why is it so hard for me to even contemplate this? You know how they do on Biggest Loser where they give you all your favorites before the weight loss begins?

I'm having a party tonight!

What say you? Could you do it? Have you done it? On purpose? Am I fooling myself? Is this all TMI?

They cost me $5...

And I don't wanna throw them away.

I mean, they were navy, pin-striped and the size I wanted to be in by the end of 2006.

I never got there.

So imagine my surprise when I saw them folded up in the bottom of a bin after I moved two weeks ago. I pulled them out, and they fit.

And they fit well.

But, alas, I'm "match" challenged. There's no girlfriend -- or even gay friend -- to help me with these things. They all usually look at me like "you did well enough, so you don't need help."

Lord only knows why people trust me so.

So I'm figuring I'd ask the people who help me the most -- yeah, that's you... lol

What do you do with pin-striped pants? I mean, I went online, but the only pics I saw were of women and some guy who was wearing a t-shirt.

Neither style would fit me.

It's funny, the things I've found myself wearing as I let this weight drop off. I doubt I'd have ever put these pants on when I was at the height of my weight. Next, I'll probably try a pink shirt.

Or maybe not.

Plight of the black man...

I threw out my trimmers when I was packing for the move. I told my barber I'd bust my ass to get there once a week - haircut, then line-up and shave, every other week.

He said fine.

This week's been torture for me. It's like if I haven't worked late, I've been busy with other things after work. With that in mind, I took it to the shop this morning.

At 7 a.m.

I was to be the first one into work, so I wanted to get trimmed up, head in and get the day started for our office. When I pulled up to the shop, I saw a familiar occurrence: The sign said open at 6, but nobody was there.

I may take a trip to Wal-Mart tonight and buy a new set of trimmers.