Horton hears a WTF?

Sometimes, I feel like personal cell phones should not be allowed at work.

Case in point:

"Hell, I keep forgetting to run by the pharmacy to get that ointment to clear this shyt up."

Or this:

"They want to put what in your where? I mean, the most I've ever had was two fingers, and that was too much."

Maybe it's just where I work. I remember one time listening to this guy curse his wife out because she forgot to pay the cable bill. She was a stay-at-home mom.

Sometimes, you feel like a nut...

She sat on the other side of the couch, pondering the words she would speak. The silence was awkward.

I tried my best to just watch tv.

"So November 17th? I can't even think about getting none til November freakin 17th?"

This is going to be a theme in my life, I see.

I feel like Luther Vandross, the women throwing panties at me while I'm on stage. Unlike Luffa, I'd normally respond.

This time, sadly, I cannot.

I've taken to running more, since I have to vent my frustrations somehow. Did I mention my tennis partner deserted me, too? In a way, it was mutual, but I miss those carefree calorie-burning events. Besides, he was an 'effin liar. More on that later.

Why is it that when you want to stay away from something, it's put in front of you more often? I was dating earlier this year when I started the whole weight-loss thing. I remember showing her a text exchange between me and my boy Kyle. He said he wanted an ENTIRE pizza. All I wanted at the time was a peanut butter cup.

Why'd a pack of Reese's show up in my fridge that night? Shenanigans!

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 4

I want a relationship that actually feels like a relationship.

I get hit up all the time by people who claim they can add everything to my life that I'm missing. had a girl tell me last month that she could be the freak she knew I needed. I laughed. Hard.

But while I dated someone the last six or so months, I always felt like something was missing.

It was. Me.

I'd spent so much time making sure things were going well that I never stopped to ask myself what I wanted. I think the fact that I'd been led to believe there was a future for us was enough for me.

No longer. I ended it last week.

I've got a good paying job, an apartment I'm content with until the house comes along and an SUV that, thanks to the Gas Gods, isn't putting me into debt. But I still feel like that one thing continues to elude me.

What say you? When the lights go down and it's just you in the house, what do you yearn for?

Have you never...?

I was afraid I wouldn't make it through yesterday. It was almost like I was avoiding... him... like the plague. In the shower, I always take time on my... parts... to make sure they get the attention they need.

But yesterday, I felt like it was going to lead to more.

It's weird, but in all I say and do to change my body, I like the way I look. Yep, I think I'm sexy. There's something about me that sometimes I can't get enough of.

So resisting the urge is a helluva challenge.

The purpose of what I'm doing is to raise awareness (to myself) to the fact that, yes, there can be too much of a good thing.

My thing just happens to be self-pleasurevation...

The sacrifice to beat all sacrifices...

I'm giving up all forms of sex until Nov. 17.

There, I said it.

Every so often, I do something to challenge myself. Usually, it's something I've become dependent upon that I need to lay off. Last year, it was chocolate.

This is going to be the hardest thing I think I've done in the last year. Why is it so hard for me to even contemplate this? You know how they do on Biggest Loser where they give you all your favorites before the weight loss begins?

I'm having a party tonight!

What say you? Could you do it? Have you done it? On purpose? Am I fooling myself? Is this all TMI?

They cost me $5...

And I don't wanna throw them away.

I mean, they were navy, pin-striped and the size I wanted to be in by the end of 2006.

I never got there.

So imagine my surprise when I saw them folded up in the bottom of a bin after I moved two weeks ago. I pulled them out, and they fit.

And they fit well.

But, alas, I'm "match" challenged. There's no girlfriend -- or even gay friend -- to help me with these things. They all usually look at me like "you did well enough, so you don't need help."

Lord only knows why people trust me so.

So I'm figuring I'd ask the people who help me the most -- yeah, that's you... lol

What do you do with pin-striped pants? I mean, I went online, but the only pics I saw were of women and some guy who was wearing a t-shirt.

Neither style would fit me.

It's funny, the things I've found myself wearing as I let this weight drop off. I doubt I'd have ever put these pants on when I was at the height of my weight. Next, I'll probably try a pink shirt.

Or maybe not.

Plight of the black man...

I threw out my trimmers when I was packing for the move. I told my barber I'd bust my ass to get there once a week - haircut, then line-up and shave, every other week.

He said fine.

This week's been torture for me. It's like if I haven't worked late, I've been busy with other things after work. With that in mind, I took it to the shop this morning.

At 7 a.m.

I was to be the first one into work, so I wanted to get trimmed up, head in and get the day started for our office. When I pulled up to the shop, I saw a familiar occurrence: The sign said open at 6, but nobody was there.

I may take a trip to Wal-Mart tonight and buy a new set of trimmers.

The waiting game...

OK, so if I wore only the clothes that fit me, I'd be looking like Carlton Banks all the live long day. I went into the bathroom at work to put on my belt (yeah, I ran a little late today), and noticed that my jeans looked like one of those Dexatrim commercials.

I stood in front of the mirror, grabbed the front (near the button) using my thumb, and continued to pull. It's not too drastic, but I could easily fit random things in there.

Now I sound like a shoplifter... lol

The issue is this: I'm not done losing all the weight I want to, but the clothes are telling me it's time to move on. But we all know a new wardrobe is not cheap.

What say you? Should I wait til I'm happy with my size, or should I drop it like it's hot on the credit card?

Making it work...

So with all the moving and spending money, I've been a little "creative" how I've been using my money.

It took me right back to those struggling college student days where several of us used to go in on food together, knowing it would last longer that way. I remember riding by four fast food restaurants on the way home one time just to get ketchup packets. Let's not even talk about all the food I "borrowed" from Arby's... lol

My favorite is the Wal-Mart check scam.

Tomorrow, I'll do my grocery shopping, but I'll pay in check. That way, when my direct deposit lands on Friday, the check will land, too..

What say you: What do you do to cut corners when necessary for survival? I know there's some good ones out there!

Manic Monday

I'm mad my body still hurts from Saturday's moving extravaganza.

But the new place is starting to look like home. I bought furniture, upgraded the pots and pans, got a flat panel television -- and they all look good to me!

What is it about new stuff that makes you more anal than before? I mean, I had folks rolling through who wanted to walk on the carpet in their shoes, throw their coats on my couch, tell me how to cook my food (which everyone agreed was hot like fire!), etc.

That said, I have my typical Monday night date of (possibly) tennis and Heroes, then I'm back to getting my life out of boxes.

Wanna help?

I'll post pictures when I'm done.

HATEred

I went to my booth carrying a tray with the two plates I'd piled with food, the empty cup I'd soon fill with sweet tea and my wallet and cell phones.

I sat facing the window, nibbling slowly at the pizza, eating the caesar salad, watching my phone ring... and ring... and ring.

The people just stared.

The girl's cheerleading squad that filed in after practice came dressed in sweats, spandex and boy shorts in colors that spread across the rainbow. Some silently made their plates, while others cackled as they found a place to sit.

The four guys -- dressed in sleeveless blue-jean shirts and knee-length shorts, one with a mullet -- stared at the girls. The guys were beyond their high school years, but stared longingly at the teens as the girls flittered around the restaurant.

None of it mattered to me. I was still trying to figure out why one of the four guys called me a nigger.

Foolishness

I logged into the messenger system when I got back from Greensboro. Janet's concert had been canceled, the ensuing evening was uneventful, and I really missed my bed. If someone hit me up, I'd probably not be there.

Then, I hear the BUZZ! sound coming from the Yahoo application. I barely go on there, but something made me log in.

"So I know you heard."

I first learned Jeremy was dating both men and women during a game of Truth or Dare. His "best friend" decided it wasn't that big a deal, and J needed to let the rest of us know.

We're still friends. He visited me just after I got to Raleigh in '06. He hit on me, and we stayed friends after I rejected him.

Then, he started dating Sara.

I've known Sara for as long as I can remember. She was in my hanging group in college. I mentored her on the student newspaper. We had one of those "friends forever" chats when she graduated. Of course liquor was involved, and we poured our hearts out to each other.

She's one of my favorite people. Though we only talk about once a week, I still consider her a good friend.

"Yeah, Tim told me," I said back. Seems Jeremy had taken a liking to my boy, Tim in the last few months. Their first time was two weeks ago. Tim called me because he was excited about a new interest. When he told me it was someone we both knew, I wasn't too happy.

Tim doesn't mind being the mistress in the situation. Jeremy's going with the flow of things on both ends. Sara's oblivious to it all, and has started buying wedding magazines for tips.

She's looking at summer 2010.

---

It's not my business to get in the middle of their situation. I can only tell Jeremy what I think of things, then keep it moving. Before I said anything, he snapped.

"You gon do some nigga shit and tell?"

I hadn't even thought about it. It's your life, not mine. With him being so defensive and accusatory, I took a second to think about what would happen if I told.

Should I even think about it?

Is it best to inject yourself into situations when you know it's for the greater good of a friend?

Wednesday Randomness... Vol. 4

Atlanta, Georgier -- OK, so I've been in this really great training experience for the past two days, but I wanted to get something up before I fell out in my drunken stupor... lol. So today, we talked about feeling emotions in your writing and how it brings someone even farther into the story that you would have anticipated.

I think I do that here. I think all the blogs that I read with some frequency do that.

You all know that I write for a living, and that I must be doing it well. But what I write here, I'm seeing, is seen by the same people who would hardly pick up a newspaper, where I write to pay bills (and feed my own excitement).

Why is that? I guess this is my hood poll to determine what's wrong with what I do that I'm not reaching the people I want to reach. I write stories that I want people to see. And I try to write them in a way that they will be easy to understand and follow.

What makes you seek out your information on a blog/Web site rather than getting it from one of the most trusted sources in the world?